Sunday Update.

Well...that didn't work.
I wanted to not get pulled off course/out of routine when Tyler was here. How can you not be moved by a hurricane? Its not bad, just very different.

Speaking of different.

Food...glorious food. Except when it isn't. I knew not to binge eat (eggs! cheese! sugar! wheat!) after the diet. I knew it was a bad idea. I likely even knew it as I took each bite of contraband food. And I paid dearly for each of those bites. From what I can gather...wheat makes me very very tired, and if I don't' sleep I get very very angry. Irrational angry. Angry at everyone. Ugly angry.

Eggs make me bloat and stink and have a ache in my stomach. I had two before dinner tonight and 1?2? hours later I had to go change out of my jeans; they were cutting into my waist.

Those are the only two I can really connect the food to a reaction, everything else turned into a blur of discomfort, mood swings and cravings.

I wasn't prepared for how much food effects my mood. The day I was very mad, Tyler asked demanded to know what was wrong. What had set me off? What was going on?What happened? I was so angry i was shaking. I could feel myself emotionally distancing myself from everyone. I don't know! The kids are so demanding, they are always whining for something. They are always touching me! Why can't I get some space around here. I'm overwhelmed. I don't know, I don't know, I don't know! Problem was I did know and I had caused it. Fortunately my sister in law had gone through a similar food situation and she remembered how much her emotions were altered when she binged. I thought i was going crazy. If there had even been the slightest trigger, I would have heaped the blame on that...but there wasn't. The kids were no more or less whiny or touchy than they always are. My circumstances hadn't changed in the slightest. The fuel my body was trying to run on had changed, and with it everything else.

So I restarted, again. I need to eat more often. When Tyler is home I am more likely to forget to eat, or put it off. Its not good for me or the people around me. I need to eat more protein. I tried leaving eggs in the diet, but now realize they are a big part of the problem. So gluten, eggs...that should be it, right?

Much to my relief, I had two nurses suggest (unprompted!) that Jasper could be food sensitive. One even suggested going to a pediatric allergist. It gets frustrating to have so few people in the medical community believe (or even imagine) that what I'm eating may be triggering a reaction in him. Despite also having a number of suggestions to wean him...because my breast milk is cleary the problem*. I don't' feel that's the best course of action right now.

*I know that's not what they mean. But sometimes that's what it feels like.

ok...sleep.
s